LOVE FOR JOY OF LOVING

Do you believe in the concept of "Loving for the joy loving without expecting anything in return?" I know all this sounds very good for philosophy and literature but let me tell you that it does happen in practicality too. It’s when you like someone to such an extent that it doesn't matter whether that person reciprocates the same feeling with you or not. Here's a small story I want to share with you......

December 2005:

I had first seen her on my rehearsal for an inter-collegiate fashion show; she looked very simple yet very much different from the rest of the faces. There was elegance in everything she did, she had a grace that was quite distinct and there was something that attracted me towards her. I was quite surprised that how come such a pretty face went unnoticed from my vision for so long, but was happy to see her at last.

It’s quite interesting, that however extrovert you are, somehow you tend to lose all you flamboyance when you face the girl you have lost your heart to. The case wasn't any different for me, all my “who cares” and “I am cool” attitude somehow use to betray me whenever I confronted her. Though I couldn't talk much to her whatever conversation we use to have were quite enthralling for me. Even though we talked nothing except the steps and sequences for the fashion show it was interesting for me, as it was the only way I use to get an opportunity to speak to her.

It had never happened to me before, that I found myself dumbstruck in front of any girl, but somehow it was a different case here. By now I knew that I had started getting feeling for her but since I knew myself better than anyone, I wanted some more time so that doubts if any gets abated considerably.

Two Months Later:

After lot of advice from my dear ones I decided to go for it, yes I was about to confess that I had hearts for her, still not prepared how to put it in front of her and not knowing how she will react I made my move. I remember that beautiful evening, she was sitting in the college quadrangular busy with her project work; aah…she was looking very pretty, with her curly hair properly tugged in a pony, her specks adding cuteness to her face. I wished that, the time could have frizzed and I could have watched her like that for the rest of my life. [But as it was not a movie! nothing of that sort was possible, these all thing only happen in Bollywood]

So as I approached her, I could feel my heart racing twice the normally speed, my hands got cold and there were lot of butterflies in my stomach. You know its just that it doesn’t matter how many time in life you have proposed a girl, anytime you do it again you find it difficult to admit, that you love that girl, I guess more than anything it is the fear to hear a denial and on top of that to lose her.

After preparing myself for any consequences to follow I finally told her how I felt for her, and than there followed a small silence.... making me more nervous. Taking her own time with the same grace as always she answered me with such a politeness that I was very much moved, she had her own priorities and I respected her decision and finally we moved away with a word to be friends forever.

Time went by, but my feelings for her couldn’t die. I tried hard but something about her was hard to forget what??? I have no clue. And even today as she is miles away from me I still love her knowing she is not meant for me, knowing she has no feelings for me. With no hope for things to change I still love her for the joy of loving. That doesn’t mean I have stopped living, but whatever happens further in life, somewhere in the corner of my heart I will always remember her and love her for ever!!

-Aditya Kasar (AK)