Avanti & I

Amay Naik's Personal Diary

                                                                                                                                           -12 June 

        It has been a week now that Avanti passed away leaving me all alone in this world, letting me be alive to have such a dejected life. In couple of weeks it is our 3rd wedding anniversary! It’s still hard to believe that she is no more; it feels like that we had just begun our beautiful journey of married life but before it could flourish effusively … Avanti left me!

 I don't feel like doing anything, I haven't even updated my diary. I resumed my work few days back, but still I am yet to take the charge of my construction site, all that I do is visit my site office and spend entire day by sitting idle . All the files were updated by Mayank. Mayank rightly told me that you have to start living now and move on. Anyways I have to accept the bitter reality moreover to kill loneliness I have recommenced to pen down my feelings. Nevertheless I know this diary can’t leave me half way, rather will be lifelong companion…

    Though I am trying hard to forget Avanti It’s merely impossible to take her out of my mind. She was nine months pregnant when last Monday she had labour pain and I admitted her to maternity home. I had never imagined in my wildest dream that the pregnancy will have complications that too Para-mounting to loss, of both my unborn child and my beloved wife!! We had seen so many dreams for our baby but now that scenario flashes in front of my eyes every moment. It all seems as a dreadful nightmare.

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                                                                                                                                             -13 June 

        It’s incredible after recalling the status of Mayank but I can’t just evade the fact which was evident enough. In first place Mayank himself is unbeliever in all this stuff. If someone else would have uttered something like this he would have made mockery out of it. And even initially, in front of me he tried to side-step that topic, didn't he? His male ego might not have let him accept that he was frightened. But it was so substantial- he couldn't move a bit. He was damn scared.

   Around 9:00 PM he had invited me at his place for drinks, I had accepted his proposal, as even I needed company. When I pushed the door and entered the living room. Mayank was sitting on his chair. His hair was messed up, he was perspiring profusely, his face reflected the state of shock he was in and his eyes were widened staring the wall exactly in front of him. 

   I was terrified when I noticed him. I shook him generously to get him out of that tremor. After getting out of that trauma, he couldn’t recognize me, but then when he did, he asked me to sit down beside him. On investigating about his state he initially tried to bypass the whole topic, but after incessant probing finally he collected guts to reveal the truth. After hearing what he had to say I was totally thrown off my feet!!

Mayank had seen Avanti !!

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-16 June

  Since last two days I have been completely engrossed in my chain of thoughts. Can we actually see someone after their death, It was simply absurd. But the solitary reason for me to discard this thought was that I haven't experienced it yet. Mayank is also not convinced with that day’s incidence too; he told me that it was just a disillusioned thought of his tired brain and nothing else.

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-20 June 

  While rethinking about all the happening that occurred on that eventful day, suddenly I felt bad about the fact that how come Mayank saw my wife? And why not to me?

Since the day that Mayank has beheld Avanti's soul I have a hope that someday even I would be fortunate to feel her presence and may be talk to her, hope that day comes sooner than later.

   Avanti was not only a lovely wife but also an awesome person; she was very friendly and had an uncanny knack to win anyone's heart. She was cheerful in nature she could make any person comfortable by her manifestation; she was caring, nurturing overall a perfect home maker.

If I ever see her I won’t be scared as Mayank, instead I would be glad to see her because I know she will protect me against all evils, as she did when she was alive. I would give anything to see her. If he could see her than why can’t I? Very soon I will see her, I am confident. I must wait.

   Mayank was not an unfamiliar for her. He had just joined our construction site as a site Engineer. His smartness and frankness had won my heart and we got along well and jelled up quite quickly than I imagined. Once I invited him for a tea at my place. Coincidentally Avanti already knew him since they were college mates. We three started hanging out together for trips, dinners, movies etc. In-fact the concept of writing a Diary was initiated by Mayank and hence we started writing since last April. Avanti had      smirked on this thought and teased us saying "Let’s see how long you continue I am sure you both will give up in couple of weeks."

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-21 June 

   Today is our wedding anniversary. Last year same time we were in Singapore for our 2nd honeymoon. Today I am here- and Avanti is.....??

   Why the hell Avanti is visible to Mayank and not to me why? Else as Mayank says this all might be just his illusions and nothing else. Anyways I don't believe in supernatural-- Forget it.

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-23 June 

   Well! From start I have stood by my word to Mayank that all he has been experiencing is not a mere illusion. At last I was proved right. It was real. I have a proof! And oh, what a proof! While I am writing this the proof is lying in front of me on the table. It is proof to lot of things! Almighty God why didn't you end my life while I was still in my sweet illusion filled life instead of making me face this bitter dirty reality. It would have been better, if it would have been me instead of Avanti who died. It would have saved me of this embarrassment and even Avanti would have been happy....

   Last night Mayank came at my place at 11:00 PM. As soon as I opened the door he hugged me tightly. Somehow I made him sit on the sofa, made him drink some water. He was looking damn scared. Still recovering from his shock he began reciting the whole incidence to me.

He was on the way to my place as usual to chit chat and to have some drinks. Midway he saw Avanti; she smiled at him and told him to stretch out his hand. He did as she commanded, than she removed a gold ring from her finger and wore it on his finger and disappeared! Terribly startled Mayank somehow had reached my place in that traumatized state.

   I did examine Mayank's hand on which he had worn that ring and then there was no room for calling it delusion anymore. There was no doubt what so ever in whatever he had just told me, because the very ring that was in his hand was the ring I had given to Avanti on our engagement day.

               Here is the proof at last!

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-27 June 

     The moment God gave us the rational brain he took away all the happiness from our lives. Since last four days my brain is stormed by all type of weird thoughts and questions which are making me go crazy! Midnight I woke up and then I was not able to sleep again till early morning.

   Sometimes I feel may be God was kind to me that he took Avanti away before people could have started gossiping about Mayank and Avanti openly. Oh! No! What have I written this? Na not at all, there can be nothing good in death of Avanti. My Avanti!....but how can I call her "My" anymore?

   Sometimes I feel I should ask Mayank about all this, but than what's his fault in all this after all? I don't remember him behaving loosely with her anytime. If he ever had any wrong feelings for her then he would have never told me about all this happenings. Should I ask to Avanti about all this…. But then I am not able to see her to question her.

   If I continue thinking, then all the old memories come storming my brain, I remember once Avanti had made special halwa for Mayank as he loved it a lot. She had once told me that in college days she liked Mayank's guitar playing a lot.

   Avanti however made me believe that she was happy with me always. Now I realize that she must have found me boring. What's there in me? In comparison to Mayank neither I am handsome nor do I have any skills.

   Mayank was always a perfect match for her in all possible sense. I should have realized this long back. Avanti never loved me. May be before our marriage she and Mayank were having....may be! May be she thought I was more stable than Mayank that time. She was aware of our richness and affluent status in society. How tactful of her! She down right cheated me. But the dead do not deceive. Now there is no reason for her to fool me. Now we don't share the same world. Now she can be honest to herself. She is honest, she herself removed that ring from her finger and gave it to someone she considered appropriate for it, that too my ring! Oh god, this is all so terrible! The amount of pain that I endured at her loss was nothing as compared to this realization of her cheating on me, what should I do? How can I forget this? How can I??...

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-29  June 

  Finally I could forget it, for some time though. There is a bar near my place where I spend most of my free time.

Sometimes Mayank convoys me, but he doesn't indulge in drinks as much as I do.

   Last night while we were coming back from the bar, he viewed her. Avanti!

I was kind of drunk. Suddenly he stopped midway. He held my arm tightly. He was staring at the dark with wide opened eyes. He was not ready to move an inch; I was trying to drag him. He started muttering- "See her- Near that shop!"

   Looking at his state I knew what he had seen, but I couldn't see her. As if she had no relation with me at all. This was expected, but I was still hurt.

            "She is calling me. Can you see?" Mayank asked.

            "I can’t see her, if she is calling you then go." I retorted somewhat in frustrated tone and moved away.

      Holding my arm tightly Mayank said "Please don't go I am scared"

            "Let’s go home" I told him.

             "No. I am not coming with you.” Mayank said; but it was subjected to Avanti.

     After some time there was a thorough silence. Then he said, "Why do you come time and again?"

    Again muteness followed. After which he said, "How come? I will never forget you"

I took his hand off me and started moving. He was saying, "What! You actually don't recognize him? You were married to him. He is Amey Naik..."

I headed to Mayank. "Mayank please tell her to be perceptible to me too, atleast once.... atleast once!...."

    He replied as if he couldn't believe in what I was saying, "What! That means you really can’t see her?"

    "No Mayank." I was ashamed of my state now, but I couldn't lie in front of him. "Tell her Mayank please, tell her!......."

        "She has gone." he countered.

     Whole night I couldn't sleep a bit. I kept turning my sides and tried hard to break the sequence of occurrences took place which were infuriating me immensely.

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-4 July 

       I am ashamed of myself. I am abashed of my existence. Today I have crossed all the limits and have made myself a laughing stock for people around. Today in the rage and under the influence of drinks, I literally hit Mayank in the bar. I exactly don't remember the entire conversation that I had with him; but it’s more obvious it would have been something related with Avanti. Who says that alcohol makes you forget your worries, in fact they take awful form and extant them in front of you. Whatever it was I remember at the end of that chat I had grabbed him by his throat and was slapping him abundantly.

    He was downright in his senses hence knowing my state he didn't even react to my beating and kept calm. I realized my mistake and started snivelling there in front of everyone. I had lost control over myself.

   Day by day I am getting worse and approaching to animal like behaviour. I make all possible efforts to forget her. Well, who cares for her? If she never loved me, why should I remember her?

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-7 July 

  I feel like killing myself. Due to monsoon even the work at site has abated. To kill my loneliness and boredom I went to the last floor of my under construction site. It was almost evening and the place was unrestrained as the workers were now busy with more of interior works. The only source of light was an orange light halogen attached to one of the columns. Every time I use to come here and dare to look down this 25 storey tower, an unidentified fear use to creep my heart and a thought of 'what if I fall down from here' use to dissuade me time and again. There was not much of safety precaution as the construction was still on, apart from a temporary railing made from steel bars. I was lost in my thoughts staring down the tower when suddenly I sensed someone was holding my arm tightly, on turning around I realized it was Mayank. He pulled me back and said 'Naik, don't visit this place during this time of the day. It’s a horrible place!'

   I kept looking at him with a bizarre expression on my face. He continued "Since last three evenings Avanti brings me here-against my wish. Hesitantly I have to follow her."

"Why the hell she brings you here? What does she say?" I asked him.

   Mayank kept mum for some time. It was palpable from his expressions that it was problematic for him to reply to my question. After long time finally he spoke, "She doesn't say anything. She just makes love to me."
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-9 July

I have made my mind now I will end my life. Tomorrow 10 July I will jump from that tower.

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-10 July 

  Today morning when I got up I decided to myself that it’s the last day of my life. After reaching office I heard that Mayank was absent. Actually I wanted to talk to him a lot. In the whole world he was my lone well-wisher and companion. On further inquisitive I came to know that since 8 July he isn't coming to work. I was under the impression that may be he directly goes on site instead of coming to site office. To inquire about him I directly reached his residence.

   The door was already open. he was dazed after seeing me but later he was calmed a bit; but he didn't utter a word. He was sitting on his bed with both legs folded and held close with arms wrapped around them and chin resting on his knees. His eyes were rolling right left and zeroing on the blank wall in front of him. There was an unstated terrible fear in his eyes. I asked him, “Did you see Avanti?" Hearing this he held me tight by my arm and was not ready to leave me. I could sense fright jam-packed in his entire body.

   After some time I realized that he was hungry from last couple of days, he had not even bathed or done anything. He was scared to even move from one place to another. I did try to feed him something, but he was too scared to even eat or respond to my queries. He was not even ready to drink water. Now I got really scared. I called his downstairs neighbour to sit beside him and went to call the doctor. On examining, the doctor suggested to admit him in a nearby hospital as soon as possible.

With the help of his few neighbours I got him hospitalised. By the time all the formalities were done with it was almost 9:00 PM. I set to leave for home when I remembered my resolution to end my life today. However now at least till Mayank gets well I have to postpone my plan to end my sufferings. After all I am all that he has, to take care of him.

It was raining heavily when I was on the way to my home. The hospital was at walking distance from my place so I preferred walking. I wasn't carrying any umbrella today, and I wanted to soak myself in this heavy rain and that's exactly what I did. On reaching my home I opened the lock and entered my living room. There was persistent noise of windows knocking coming from my bed room. I went in to close the windows. My study table was adjoined to the window. On it, laid my diary. Besides it, there was another diary.

Whose Diary it is? How did it come here?

   The Diary cover was completely dry. I opened it. On first page it wore the name of its owner Mayank Varma.
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Mayank Varma's Personal Diary

-13 June 

   Even I am hurt by untimely death of Avanti; but not as much as her emotionally fool husband. In fact Avanti was as good as dead for me when she had rejected my proposal during our college days. I had never ever imagined meeting her again in this life time. Suddenly when I met her she acted very nicely to me. Even then I doubt whether her hatred towards me has completely wiped out.

    Her husband loves her a lot. He’s an idiot, completely unaware of the tact’s of this cruel world. He believes in whatever nonsense I c0nvey. He trusts me blindly. On observing his innocence I had made up my mind to avenge my ego which was hurt long time back. I tried a lot to poison his mind and make him suspect that Avanti has feeling for me. While doing so I used to get a kind of satisfaction that use to mollify my false ego.

Still Amey was so oblivious rather innocent that he never comprehended what I meant. He simply never alleged his wife.

   However after Avanti's death I had a splendidly superb idea to finally take vengeance of my hurt ego.

I was an awesome actor from birth. Till date people have suspected living beings but this time I was going to make him suspect a dead. By making Naik forget his love for Avanti and making him hate her, I will make him payback for rejection that I had to take few years back from Avanti. When his love for her will be septic by suspicion and later turn in hatred then and only then my burning ego will recede.

   It was the first blast today when I told him that I saw Avanti. I could sense that he believed in it. Just few more such tricks and they both will part away forever -Physically they are already but even eternally now.

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-23 June 

    Today it was 2nd blast from my side! On blowing dynamite even the hard rock cracks and Naik's heart was as soft as butter. Month back Avanti had handed me her gold ring. She wanted to surprise gift a similar one for Amey for their 3rd wedding anniversary. It was apparent that as she had planned a surprise so Amey would be completely unaware of it. After lying idle with me for such a long time finally today it will be useful to me.

   I am an excellent actor- Amey should accept it now! Perceptibly after knowing the fact! But sadly he will never ever come to know about this.

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-30 June 

   Amey Naik by now is completely a lost soul. He is now an alcoholic depressed and tired of his forbidden life. It’s simply amazing! So what that he was betrayed by his wife, so many people get deceived and dumped but they don't counter the way this fool his reacting to it, that too when in truth he was never let down! Can you believe he feels that I am lover of his dead wife? I am glad that; so what if I couldn't get this place when she was alive but I could get it after her death at least. That too gifted to me by her foolish emotional husband. What can be a better revenge than this?

   Last night suddenly something made me get up from my deep sleep- I had a dream where I saw Amey Naik jumping from our construction site tower from last floor. I had a thought- what if he actually does this? I don't want him to die. I want to see him suffer as long he his lives.

   What if Avanti's soul is watching all this....but I don't believe in ghost stories….they are damn doleful...

    What if Avanti actually meets me someday???

    This thought didn’t let me sleep even a bit.

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-4 July 

    Today Naik cried liberally in the bar. Month a back he was considered a well-disciplined man, but no what left in him? I could still hear his weeping in my ears.

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-5 July 

    Last night suddenly my sleep was disrupted. Someone was sobbing. Initially I thought its mere illusion; but the voice of sobbing was travelling near that too much swiftly. I could hear it close to my bed now. Somehow I got up from my bed and switched on my room lights. There was no one in the room; but I could still hear that sobbing. I ran towards the door, but on opening it, I couldn’t see anyone out there. I returned to my bed and screamed- “Please stop! Please! I won’t lie to him henceforth.” Suddenly the sobbing stopped. I lay back on my bed and could get a sound sleep then.

    On getting up in the morning, I thought it was just a bad dream; but the room lights were still on. What the hell was that, I couldn’t understand anything; but I feel it was just my guilt trying to get worst out of me.

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-6 July

   Today morning I found a piece of paper lying in my room. On it were two sentences:

                    “Don’t play with Naik’s life anymore. You will repent it.”

There was no signature at the bottom. But the handwriting was known to me; but exactly who’s I couldn’t recognise. Then suddenly I remembered.

                               -It was my own handwriting!

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-7 July

Today I couldn’t resist myself.

While standing on the top floor of our construction site I saw Amey glaring down the tower. Suddenly I recollected my dream. May be he will jump, I thought and ran towards him to stop him.

      But as he asked “What happened?” I forgot my promise to myself and couldn’t resist lying to him. I told him a dirtiest imaginable story, which pierced his heart and shattered him completely. I was happy to see him in that agony.

     -That very moment a fear grasped me. What I did I have to repent today itself I thought. I was even scared to enter my own house. When I started with this whole game of revenge it seemed all easy. Naik would take it so seriously and will lose his desire to live I had not imagined in my wildest dream. This is all too dangerous!.....Too dangerous! No one should be cheated in this manner! But what if Naik was cheated after all I had to take my revenge didn’t I?

               But then whom I am scared of?

   While writing this I am continuously looking behind, at the wall. There is a constant fear that Avanti might appear from it exactly the same way I had narrated to Amey when I started this bloody cheap game.

           So or the other day she will find me. On the way, at site, at home….

           She will question me for the entire trauma Amey had to face because of me!

           I am sorry Avanti! I was wrong!

    

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-8 July 
          What should I do? Someone is constantly gazing at me all the time. While I am writing this….Its reading every word of it….even if I move a bit it follows me. I just can’t avoid that gape. Where should I hide from it?

    It will be good if Amey stopovers here now. Should I tell him everything? This fear…this continuous staring….will he accompany me?

     But how should I confront him? No! No! I will prefer dying instead of accepting the truth in front of him. He should never come to know about the truth. Never ever……

Then who will accompany me here? God, what the hell I am writing? Am I in my senses? And – and what the hell is this?..... Someone please save me! In front……

Avan…..!

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Amay Naik's Personal Diary

-12 July

     Mayank’s diary was blank after that last note. I was comforted moreover pleased after reading it. I had gotten my Avanti back. Avanti, Please forgive me.

      I had sympathy for Mayank. Yes he was emphatic wrong in what he did, but he was being punished for his sins. His conscience was bothering him from within. That’s the only fact, else why would he been witnessing such illusions?

      Today evening I was going to see him in the hospital. I was going to tell him “Don’t worry. I have forgiven you. You won’t be troubled anymore.”

      But as soon as I was about to leave from my place I received a call from site.

I rushed to my site. I was stunned on what I perceived there. Mayank’s body was lying on the heap of sand with a puddle of blood around that too in bad shape because of his fall from the 25 storey building…..

      No one could tell how exactly he reached there from hospital.

4-5 days back he had told me, “Don’t visit this place during this time of the day. It’s a horrible place….. Avanti brings me here-against my wish. Hesitantly I have to follow her."

But those were all lies; didn’t he mention it in his diary? He might have sneaked out of the hospital avoiding attention from hospital staff. Due to uncontrollable fear he might have jumped himself; else he could have slept due to slippery edges formed due to continuous raining….

      I don’t think my Avanti could ever punish anyone. She was very tender….far too tender….

        It would have been poor fellow’s conscience biting him.

       However one thing is still unsolved. Who kept Mayank’s diary on my table that too on that heavy monsoon night, so that I could know the truth !!!!

Really, who was it ??? who kept it ……

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- Sujal Wade(SW) & Aditya Kasar(AK)

P.S: The Story is a piece of fiction and resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental.